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The struggle of every family

May 3, 2010

A little girl got herself badly injured and cried her little lungs out to her parents. Her young parents looked visibly exhausted and worried but not worried to the point that they would drive to see a doctor. The pair of young parents were obviously used to this scenario, I guess, it would be a scenario that every parent would have to go through; having their child fall down with blood flowing out from their abrased skin. A couple nearby upon seeing this scenario lept to comfort this little girl, because they felt for her. They empathised for her and at that moment treated the little girl like their own daughter. One of them ran to get the medicine, the other attempted to soothe the little girl’s injured heart. Quickly, the both of them gave her undivided attention and care. When I saw this scenario, I almost teared because you could see that this couple were living in a moment of the past where they cared for their own daughter too, probably when she fell down carelessly like this little girl and wailed her little heart out.

I guess this applies to most parents. No matter how old you are, you will always be a child to them.Because they had you in their hands as a fragile baby, saw you growing up slowly but strangely quickly,they worry for you endlessly,care for you endlessly that you are  such a great part of their lives. I guess the most painful time for them is when their child grows up and gets distracted by the usual growing up business and wants to explore the world that it is hard for them to let go.

My father was that sort of a parent. Possibly a tyrannical version of that parent. No matter how  he likes to proclaim to other people about how well he brought me  up,  how he gave me so much freedom (*ahem*), however I knew he would worry about me endlessly.  Once he let his tongue slip and said that he had been praying for me everyday. I silently cried in my heart because I was so touched, but didn’t want to appear weak in front  of  him.When I had toughen up and wanted to fly off to see the world since the world is suppose to be my oyster at this  age group, my father got  scared. He refused to let me go and I hated him for doing so. But because I knew he was getting  old and precisely I knew he was getting old that is why I wanted to fly away quickly and come back, but because I knew  his heart would not be able to take me flying away just for a short while, I decided to grit my teeth and stay on. It made me resent him but yet on the other hand because after he left me to go to the heavens,  I was glad that I grittted my teeth to stay on because I only had such a short time to just make him worry less and possibly be at peace.

Isn’t life hard?

Parents normally have children without any expectation, at least that’s why my dad told me. He told me that when he decided  to have children, he never once expected us to do the whole ” get a job, pay for my parents’ expenses every month etc.’

He had children because he wanted to have a family of his own and making sure that he would bring them up to make the world a better place.  He in fact said having children was like paying it forward. If he raised his children well, whoever marries his children would benefit, not  him. I couldn’t help but kind of agree with him when he made that statement.

However I guess what he didn’t expect was that when he raised his child up, he didn’t expect to give  his endless love to his  child and he probably  didn’t expect  to feel so lost when I almost wanted to fly off to  the other  side of the world. I resented him so much  for worrying but now when I think  back and think of the conversation I had with Pat. I am once again reminded by my latest  understanding that children often project such high  standards for their  parents that they see their parents; figureheads;people who are suppose to support them in every single way; and not as humans. Children expect parents to behave in a certain way, behave in the right way that the perfect dad  and mom should be just as exhibited in cartoons and tellies and when their parents fail them once in awhile, the disapointment is so great that the child feels so resentful.

Sometimes when I listen to my friends complain about their parents, I  somehow am able to see both sides.  I can understand my friends concerns of wanting  to grow up but yet I can sense that my friends’ parents’ worries which translates to something else  for my friends.

Isn’t  it hard?

I won’t say this situation wíll not happen in my future family because this might very well happen.

It’s a common struggle  that every family faces beyond the various issues that they face.

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